Okay so it's been some time since I have written in this blog and for the most part things have been calm but here we go again. So tell me, do you really know what you want? Is it more time or is it really about the money?
So often today young mothers who take their child's father to court for child support it's not about the support of the child but about the money for her. You know the ones who have on the latest outfits yet their children are wearing rags. Or the ones who don't have a job but go to the nail salon every week (who's paying?) Child support is for the support of the child. If you are getting child support you should not be asking the father for material things or things that the child support payment should be taking care of. If you want the child to have the latest sneakers (that they will quickly grow oout of), use the child support. If you want to put the child in private school, use the child support. Does the child need milk, use the child support. Do you get the theme?
Now on the other hand, if you want the father to spend quality time with the child, taking him to court for child support is not the way to do it. Resentments build, anger develop, and the child suffers in the end. I remember when I took my child's father to court for child support but what I really wanted was for him to spend time with our child. The result was low support payments (that were usually in arrears), an angry father (who did not want to be around me so did not come around at all), a disappointed mother ( I did not get what I wanted on either front),....and a child who suffered because of it.
Here is my suggestion: take some time alone, without external influences, and know exactly what you want because doing things with wrong motives is not the way to achieve it. Look at how your child shines when he or she are around their father. Let me leave you with one question, will the child care in the end how much money was spent or how much time was spent? think of you own experience because it really is the best teacher.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Friday, September 25, 2009
Support for the CHILD!
Many women take their baby daddies to court for child support or if the woman is on public assistant the Department of Social Services takes the man to court for support. But what do you do when your situation changes from the first time you attended court? Who's responsibility is it to provide the updated information? There are women who never say anything because they want to continue to receive the increased money but then you have some women who are clearly getting their cake but want to eat it too (more money).
I know some who the father is doing the best he can do financially however she is not satisfied with what she gets. Go ahead, take him to court cause you will make it worst for yourself and you will end up getting less. Oops' I did not mean to make this personal. Let me get back on track. If the father is paying attention he can go back to the court and request a modification so that the expenses of the CHILD will again be reviewed. Now child support is for the support of the child, not the mother. Why do so many young mothers think that the child support is suppose to take care of them as well? NOT!!!
MEN, it is time for you to take a stand against these baby mommas who want to drag you in the mud. Now I do not want to get on here and bash women especially since I am a woman. DSS took my sons father to court and I ended up with $20.00 a week, yes I said $20.00 a week. Now this was back in 1986 however can you imagine the surprise on my face when the judge awarded that. I was expecting more, I felt I deserved more. But the reality is that I was not working and the state was giving me enough to take care of my son. But I can relate to the mother who is working and not receiving enough to care for her child(ren). I say, if your motives are right, go for it. Take him to court, but just make sure your motives are right or you might end up getting the short end of the stick.
I know some who the father is doing the best he can do financially however she is not satisfied with what she gets. Go ahead, take him to court cause you will make it worst for yourself and you will end up getting less. Oops' I did not mean to make this personal. Let me get back on track. If the father is paying attention he can go back to the court and request a modification so that the expenses of the CHILD will again be reviewed. Now child support is for the support of the child, not the mother. Why do so many young mothers think that the child support is suppose to take care of them as well? NOT!!!
MEN, it is time for you to take a stand against these baby mommas who want to drag you in the mud. Now I do not want to get on here and bash women especially since I am a woman. DSS took my sons father to court and I ended up with $20.00 a week, yes I said $20.00 a week. Now this was back in 1986 however can you imagine the surprise on my face when the judge awarded that. I was expecting more, I felt I deserved more. But the reality is that I was not working and the state was giving me enough to take care of my son. But I can relate to the mother who is working and not receiving enough to care for her child(ren). I say, if your motives are right, go for it. Take him to court, but just make sure your motives are right or you might end up getting the short end of the stick.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
For the sake of the Child.
I am a single mother and have been for 23yrs and my sons father can honestly say that he has never had "baby momma drama". He made the decisions he made and I did not have time to rip him to pieces or cause problems in his life. We went to court for child support (I did not try to rob him) and that was it. He saw his son on occasions and I tried to make sure that his family was connected. So what is my issues? I really dislike when women, (young and old) try to damage their baby daddies in the eyes of their child, or when they try to take advantage of the father in an effort to "get even".
I had to look at my own situation and realize that I did not consider how my sons father's life would change as a result of my decision. My sons father was not ready to be a father and that is the problem today unfortunately. Young and old men alike lay down to have sex yet do not consider the consequences of their actions. But can we put all the blame on them? Absolutely NOT!! Ladies, once you make the decision to have sex without a condom you run the risk of having to deal with your baby daddy for 18 years or let's be realistic the rest of that child's life.
Now just because you end up with what you think to be a deadbeat dad doesn't mean you have to beat him dead. Maybe he is not a deadbeat but rather someone who really does not know how to be a daddy, think about it! There is an old saying that say, if it does not fit don't force it. Women are often left in despair because when the man is not ready to be the daddy, the woman does mostly everything on her own so frustration sets in. I do understand it but pressuring him to do things will not make him into the daddy you want him to be, in fact it might push him further away. Consider that maybe if you approach things from a place of understanding and not from your frustration you might get a more willing baby daddy.
Moreso now a days, is the diminshing of the mans name after you named your child after him because you are upset with the father. Get a grip!! You made the decision to name him after the father for whatever reason, then once the child is born never call him by his "real" name. Think for a minute, not from your hurt place but from the mans place, how he must feel knowing that you are teaching the child their nickname instead of their birth name. How confused will your child be when he on one side hears only his nickname then on the other side hears his birth name. It is okay for the child to have a nickname but he also needs to know from both sides his birth name.
Today's society is filled with men who did not have a father to model. No, this does not make an excuse for them not being there for their children however it should serve as a mechanicism for understanding to us women. When a man grows up without his father something lacks in that they do not have anyone to show them how to be a father. And the media can not teach them that; gangs can not teach them that; and 9 times out of 10 a man will not seek out parenting class unless he is ordered to do so.
Lighten up ladies.....the more pressure you put on him, the less he will want to do to help. The more you try to rob him through child support the less physical and emotional support you will have. And finally the more you try to degrade him in front of the child(ren), the less your child will respect you. Let's all get on the same page for the sake of the child.
I had to look at my own situation and realize that I did not consider how my sons father's life would change as a result of my decision. My sons father was not ready to be a father and that is the problem today unfortunately. Young and old men alike lay down to have sex yet do not consider the consequences of their actions. But can we put all the blame on them? Absolutely NOT!! Ladies, once you make the decision to have sex without a condom you run the risk of having to deal with your baby daddy for 18 years or let's be realistic the rest of that child's life.
Now just because you end up with what you think to be a deadbeat dad doesn't mean you have to beat him dead. Maybe he is not a deadbeat but rather someone who really does not know how to be a daddy, think about it! There is an old saying that say, if it does not fit don't force it. Women are often left in despair because when the man is not ready to be the daddy, the woman does mostly everything on her own so frustration sets in. I do understand it but pressuring him to do things will not make him into the daddy you want him to be, in fact it might push him further away. Consider that maybe if you approach things from a place of understanding and not from your frustration you might get a more willing baby daddy.
Moreso now a days, is the diminshing of the mans name after you named your child after him because you are upset with the father. Get a grip!! You made the decision to name him after the father for whatever reason, then once the child is born never call him by his "real" name. Think for a minute, not from your hurt place but from the mans place, how he must feel knowing that you are teaching the child their nickname instead of their birth name. How confused will your child be when he on one side hears only his nickname then on the other side hears his birth name. It is okay for the child to have a nickname but he also needs to know from both sides his birth name.
Today's society is filled with men who did not have a father to model. No, this does not make an excuse for them not being there for their children however it should serve as a mechanicism for understanding to us women. When a man grows up without his father something lacks in that they do not have anyone to show them how to be a father. And the media can not teach them that; gangs can not teach them that; and 9 times out of 10 a man will not seek out parenting class unless he is ordered to do so.
Lighten up ladies.....the more pressure you put on him, the less he will want to do to help. The more you try to rob him through child support the less physical and emotional support you will have. And finally the more you try to degrade him in front of the child(ren), the less your child will respect you. Let's all get on the same page for the sake of the child.
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