For the sake of the Child.

I am a single mother and have been for 23yrs and my sons father can honestly say that he has never had "baby momma drama". He made the decisions he made and I did not have time to rip him to pieces or cause problems in his life. We went to court for child support (I did not try to rob him) and that was it. He saw his son on occasions and I tried to make sure that his family was connected. So what is my issues? I really dislike when women, (young and old) try to damage their baby daddies in the eyes of their child, or when they try to take advantage of the father in an effort to "get even".

I had to look at my own situation and realize that I did not consider how my sons father's life would change as a result of my decision. My sons father was not ready to be a father and that is the problem today unfortunately. Young and old men alike lay down to have sex yet do not consider the consequences of their actions. But can we put all the blame on them? Absolutely NOT!! Ladies, once you make the decision to have sex without a condom you run the risk of having to deal with your baby daddy for 18 years or let's be realistic the rest of that child's life.

Now just because you end up with what you think to be a deadbeat dad doesn't mean you have to beat him dead. Maybe he is not a deadbeat but rather someone who really does not know how to be a daddy, think about it! There is an old saying that say, if it does not fit don't force it. Women are often left in despair because when the man is not ready to be the daddy, the woman does mostly everything on her own so frustration sets in. I do understand it but pressuring him to do things will not make him into the daddy you want him to be, in fact it might push him further away. Consider that maybe if you approach things from a place of understanding and not from your frustration you might get a more willing baby daddy.

Moreso now a days, is the diminshing of the mans name after you named your child after him because you are upset with the father. Get a grip!! You made the decision to name him after the father for whatever reason, then once the child is born never call him by his "real" name. Think for a minute, not from your hurt place but from the mans place, how he must feel knowing that you are teaching the child their nickname instead of their birth name. How confused will your child be when he on one side hears only his nickname then on the other side hears his birth name. It is okay for the child to have a nickname but he also needs to know from both sides his birth name.

Today's society is filled with men who did not have a father to model. No, this does not make an excuse for them not being there for their children however it should serve as a mechanicism for understanding to us women. When a man grows up without his father something lacks in that they do not have anyone to show them how to be a father. And the media can not teach them that; gangs can not teach them that; and 9 times out of 10 a man will not seek out parenting class unless he is ordered to do so.

Lighten up ladies.....the more pressure you put on him, the less he will want to do to help. The more you try to rob him through child support the less physical and emotional support you will have. And finally the more you try to degrade him in front of the child(ren), the less your child will respect you. Let's all get on the same page for the sake of the child.